My next day off is NEXT Saturday.
There is no room to fail. There is no down time in which to imagine not getting back up. There is no lowest priority to drop. "Lose Yourself" plays on repeat in my head at almost all times*.
However, the best intentions of my mind mean nothing to my body. When I didn't hit my bed until 2am this morning for the third day in a row, something inside me gave up. I shut off my alarm at 5am in my sleep today (I even remember the dream and the context of the alarm and everything) and got a phone call at 7:18am asking where I was. I was out the door in ten minutes, but because of the Orange Line Fiasco ended up at work at 8:15am.
This is why I can't have a dog.
I hit the ground running; I did not have my usual team of patients. I counted off narcotics all the while my mind racing to memorize names and meds quickly. For those of you with office jobs, this might be like if you got to work at 10:30AM and then someone said, "None of your clients are your clients anymore. You have all new clients. But they used to be your coworker's clients, they are not new to the company. The projects are in various stages of completion. You need to figure them out immediately and complete them."
I worked a 12 hour shift. We had a meeting at noon which took me off the floor for an hour, so I did not actually catch up to all of my day shift work until about 4pm when it was time to start evening shift business. But I got things done and at the end of the day I was proud of the work I did and the interactions I had with both patients and co workers. I used the Fart Machine. A lot. I took time to double check my work. I dealt with urgent situations. I took an admission. I had time to sit and listen when it counted (somehow), and I even threw down some dancing in the Atrium.
This is why I can't gain weight.
I didn't have any caffeine. I did the whole thing on adrenaline, prayer and chicken pot pie.
This might also be why I can't have a boyfriend**.
Tomorrow I'm going into Thacher to teach. And Saturday and Sunday it's back to work. And Monday back to Thacher. Three Hole needs to rehearse all new sketches for our show Wednesday. (I need to edit one of mine). I have IA rehearsal Tuesday and also on Wednesday right before the Three Hole Show. One of my former students wants me to go to her improv show this weekend and Mom spilled tea on the laptop I gave her last year and would like my help buying a new one.
I figure I can keep this pace up for another week or so. Then I'll have a weekend off. By the end of January my time teaching will be winding down and Three Hole will slow down too. February I can focus on work and Mainstage alone. In March I am going to Costa Rica and will think of few things besides what to name all the lizards I find.
*This is usually when "I'm Yours," by Jason Mraz isn't playing because it was on at work today and damn is that little ditty catchy!
** This, of course is what we in the business refer to as a "joke." The real reason I can't have a boyfriend is because I don't want anyone besides Laura and Johnny to know I wear glasses at night during the 10 seconds between showering and falling face first into my bed.